Free at last, free at last, oh goody this gal is free at last!

Those words, and that exact sentiment was the rhythmic jingle that hummed in my head on that glorious day when I sold my retail business. YIPEEEE…for twelve years I owned and ran the daily operations of a gourmet food and gift shop( in Boca Raton, no less). Working in retail for twelve years has the equivalence(toil-wise) of 30 years in mainstream–you live and breath the business with nary a day off. Never any room or time for thinking of anything other than “the business”–ever! So, when the moneys and keys were exchanged, I became deliriously giddy with my new found freedom (like MTM throwing the hat in the air). My mind and I started to become reacquainted; deep and great thoughts that did not include the $ price per pound of thousands of bulk products. Ahhhhh—-…………Huh?, what’s that lump in my lower right belly area? Oh, maybe it’s just my digestion slowing down with a package of something lodged—hmmmm?…….or……mmmmaybe it’s…..oh, don’t tell me that I am being stricken/punished for being so fricken-fracken happy with my new “life”? Heaven forbid that I should have 4 lousy weeks of leisurely reading the NY Times—–nooo. Okay, here comes the Fellini movie, starring yours-truly and the “bump” that will cause my waning years to be pushed up a few decades: NOW!! Oh gosh my thoughts are not at all quiet–they scream at me but are silent for all others. It is time to check in with a doctor. Making an appointment to see the gynecologist was a bit foreign as–”I don’t do doctors!” The last time that I had been splayed out in an examining room, was 16 1/2 years earlier for the joyous birth of my second child. I went to the appointment with such angst and trepidation, and for many more reasons than just the “lump-bump”.      “Okay, ms Perkins, you have a fibroid…get dressed and come  into my office.”

I only had a fibroid!–thankyou, thankyou thankyou.  As I dressed, there were tears streaming  and I made a bargain (with???) that I wouldn’t be so damn happy…poo-poo-poo, after all.  Hey, what is a fibroid anyway??

Little did I know that those tears would flow again and again, but not from joy–no.. rather from sheer and utter frustration.  It turns out that a symptomatic fibroid is not, just an innocuous “bump”.  Sitting in the doctors office for our “face-to-face” meeting, she spoke…”that walnut size lump is a fibroid, take this home (handing me a pamphlet) and read it—any questions?”  At the time, I was relieved (no cancer) and pretty much question free.

The educational (ha!) pamphlet, so generically given, was of cartoon women (with cartoon husbands) of every ethnicity happily having a hysterectomy!!! It was at that moment that I was convinced that I’m in a Fellini movie–a surreal nightmare that is whisking me along in a role that I wish no part in–hysterectomy, forsooth!!…Good heavens people I don’t even take aspirin, for geesle-pete…besides, I LOVE my uterus–do you hear me?  You are not taking it. You are not getting this ol’ gal on a gurney, fill her with drugs, and wheel her to an operating room….only to sacrifice her like a lamb and yank out her perfectly lovely uterus because of a benign bump!! This is war I tell you, WAR…and I will protect my uterine territory, forever! With that declaration of independence, the priority and subsequent steps would be to educate myself and then visit with another doctor. I must say, that the single most depressing part of this 8plus year journey, were the doctors.  Eight doctors, and all but one ever saw me as a person. Each of those 7 doctors..each of them.. wanted to perform a hysterectomy…But, that was NOT what I wanted…why were they NOT hearing me? “I will not be cut open”!!!  Each doctor had their own agenda using their own creative tactic, to, what they had hoped, would be to  lure me to the scalpel-table.

One doctor promised me tons of Valium to sooth the angst of the dreaded blood-n’-guts scene that a hysterectomy would bring about. NO! One doctor wanted to preserve the uterus (no guarantees) with a simple myomectomy. I would be out of commission for at least 6 weeks.NO! One doctor promised me that I could participate in a clinical trial with a drug that suppresses progesterone, and the growth of the fibroid (possibly shrinking it). He promised that the double-blind study would not be “blind” for me…wink wink wink.NO! One doctor promised me lupron, with one condition…you guessed it, hysterectomy!!!NO!

Six years passed and my symptomatic fibroid was growing like a July melon in a well-firtilized field, ready for picking. MY resolve to save the uterus was not weakening and the plan now, was to go on lupron.  This hormone agonist could, quite possibly, jump-start my entry into menopause (fibroids shrink with no hormones feeding them).  Lupron was amazing for me—the fibroid shrank– I was pleased, the doctor was pleased. BUT, lupron has a life span, and I had been on it longer than allowed. Stopping lupron would mean that I was back to square one with regards to the fibroid growing back to its tremendous size–and, you guessed it…. I need another doctor!!!

This doctor tried to frighten me with the cancer-scare tactic, but I had this “role” for too long…I would have been dead a long long time ago if that were true. The prescription of lupron was written with one caveat—that I seek a definitive treatment, not just lupron. It takes a long time for a new procedure to percolate in the medical system, but with internet searching, I stumbled upon focused-ultrasound. Why oh why, had no doctor ever told me of this non-invasive measure????

I have written, in much deserved glowing terms, about Dr. LeBlang…but, I can never write enough about this marvelous woman. Her technical expertise is world renowned…but what truly struck me the most, is her demeanor of kindness, compassion, her gentle approach and her willingness to really LISTEN—that what i say has merit, that I matter.  I finally found a home in her office. FINALLY!! And today, because of her talent, compassion, and stoic moral compass, I’m free to be!!

You see, everyone of us matters…doctors have the power to befriend and strengthen the lives of each and every one of their patients–and thus, one by one,  to change the world… one heart at-a-time…